Our life is just a rollercoaster, hold on tight because falling off is not an option.
It’s my baby’s 12th birthday.
She’s an amazing kid, but it’s hard to believe that she’s turning 12. She is a perfect example of how different a kid can be from their parent, and she is standing on the edge of becoming a young woman.
Happy Birthday kiddo.
Kixque asked about some suggestions for dealing with her mil and I thought that I’d make a post with my response because I figured that it wouldn’t be short. I don’t know how much this will help, but hopefully there will be something that you can take away from it.
First let me say that while we are finishing our 7th year at this, I’m no expert. I won’t consider myself an expert until I have at least one child out of the house and satisfied with the path their life is taking. And even at that point, I’d only be an expert on our family.
That said, my experience from talking to a lot of homeschoolers is that concerns about the whole idea of homeschooling that come from spouses, partners, parents, inlaws etc. tend to fall into one of 3 catagories. As you will see as I look at each catagory, dedication (and not ability) will be enough to make homeschooling successful.
OK, the first catagory is the ‘dreaded S’ - socialization. This is such a concern from outsiders that we are still getting the same questions that John Holt was getting years ago. They can’t imagine that socialization can happen outside a classroom. To put the whole concept in prespective, consider that fact that Ray Bradbury in Frahenheit 451 (published 1953) mocks the concept that socialization happens in the classroom. Or to put it in another way, ask yourself ‘Does natural socialization happen in groups where all the participants are at the same ability level and age?’
Public schools are an artificial environment forcing kids to socialize in ways that aren’t natural. It is much more natural to find a group of people that share common interests with you and hang out with them. Within that group, participants will vary in regards to both age and abilities. The older/more experienced people take over the leadership roles and model acceptable behaviors to the rest. Younger/beginners are usually encouraged because the leaders think that their activity has value and want to share. Being out of the normal synch (as in an older beginner) is not viewed as weird because of the group being such a mix.
And this is where dedication of the parents/caregivers comes in. It is your willingness to find activities that interest your child and make them happen that will make homeschooling successful. I can’t express how much my son learned when he was only about 11 years old and playing in tournaments against kids that were in high school and college. It wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t willing to make it possible for him to be there.
The second catagory of concerns falls in the area of ‘How are YOU going to teach all those classes, especially when they get into high school?’ This one is easy. You might not.
But there are so many options out there for everything you might want to cover. Once again, dedication will mean looking plainly at what you are capable of and then finding a program that will work for your family within the budget that you might need. That program may be as unschoolly or structured as can be, but it will be something that will allow your kids to be successful. I’ve seen so many different ways to approaching homeschooling that I’ve come to the realization that no two families (or even kids within a family) homeschool exactly that same way.
The third catagory of concerns follows closely on the second. ‘How are they going to get into college or have a successful life?’ This one is really answered very similarly to the second concern. In this case, your dedication means finding out what is needed to be done to have the qualifications that colleges are looking for, or the training to enter the field they want to work in. That information is out there. Then you need to develop a plan on how to acquire the skills that are needed.
I wanted to lay out the 3 ‘catagories’ of concerns because I wanted to make it clear that dedication (and not ability) is the way to successfully deal with them. That said, a hesitant family member is not going to be reassured by you telling them that ‘I have the dedication to make this happen.’ Hopefully by laying out these three areas, you can preplan how to answer them for your family before they come up.
There is one more point that I feel needs to be added when you are dealing with doubting family members. To them it may sound as if you are jumping blind into this permanent decision that will keep your childern from having any chance of a successful life. That’s a big step in anyones’ shoes.
I’ve seen so many doubts be smoothed by talking about homeschooling as something that we are doing this year. Life changes. What’s the saying? ‘The best laid plans of mice and men….’ What you are planning may work wonderfully, but life is more than ’school’ and down the road homeschooling may not be the option that will work best. So, to those doubters make it clear that you will reassess regularly (I would not recommend more than once a year though) on whether this is something you wish to continue.
Just realizing that you are not unwilling to reconsider your choice will often ease someone’s mind. True, it may mean that they will just figure that they can fight you harder when the kids are older, but by then they will start to see what a benefit homeschooling is for the entire family.
I know that I should consider myself lucky. I’ve never had any problems with my mil. I like her, she likes and appears to respect me. But she can drive me batty!! (and she’s only been here for 10 hours!!)
You see they like to come visit us, for a week at a time, at least once a year. I enjoy the vist, hubby likes seeing his folks, and the kids get a lot of having time with them. This year they came now so that they’ll be here for Girl’s 12th B-day and be able to see the play that the kids have been working on.
So where’s the problem? Well, you see. While no one else in the extended family homeschools and mil used to be a teacher’s aid in a special education classroom. Wait, wait. No it’s not that I get digs and hassles for homeschooling.
No…it’s that she swears that while what I’m doing is wonderful and all that, so-and-so, that she knows is homeschooling currently or thinking about it, can’t do it or should be highly discouraged from even trying! No matter how much I try to explain that parents’ qualifications do not make or break a successful homeschooling experience, she’s adament that it does.
The current example that she holds up is her neighbor back home. The family has 2 kids, older girl (maybe 3/4 grade) and younger boy (I’m guessing 1st?). The SAHM barely reads anything (even magazines) but mil describes her as very nice. The boy is really struggling in school, getting labeled and all the rest. ‘Mom’ comes over and talks to my mil and brings up homeschooling as an option. And the dear woman doesn’t just listen or give her my contact info so that she can talk to me. No, she fills that mom’s ear with all sort stories about how hard it is, how much work it takes and so on. Now she’s very proud that she has kept someone from making a ‘bad’ choice.
I have lost track of the number of times that I have explained to her that homeschooling is not a matter of abilities, but of dedication. A dedicated parent will see where they need to step aside and find another way to a working solution. They will find the services and tutors to help in areas that they are lacking. They will see their child’s strengths and weaknesses and figure out a way to let their child grow and develop their own abilities.
A lack of abilities just means that you need to be open to alternate methods and actively seek them out. A lack of dedication will lead the homeschooling experience to failure (unless the child involved has the dedication needed to balance their parents/caregivers lack.) If I had a choice, I’d choose dedication everytime.
Will I ever be able to convince my mil? Lol, probably not.
And she better not forget it!!
So Jo’s Sissy is getting a blog here. The next thing I know, Girl wants one also. (The girls are friends IRL.) I have no idea what she’ll do with it, but you’ll find it here. Boy, OTH, won’t touch it.
Over on The Denim Jumper they were having a discussion about the boycott of TOS. The Xians tried to take it off into a tangent that was off topic and were pretty quickly scolded for their effort. I completely agree with the scold, but it brought to mind something that has not gotten nearly enough airing. And while this is out of date, I want to make some points.
So, what am I talking about?
Last fall American Girl starting selling these pink bracelets to support Girls, Inc. Sounds great on the surface, Girls, Inc. is an organization set up to encourage girls to be independent and develop their potential. What could be a better match for American Girl? Hah, the Xtians quickly rallied against it and sent out many, many emails telling people to boycott American Girl. Why? Because supposedly Girls, Inc. was against funding ‘Just Say No’ programs and therefore was for abortions.
I was visiting a close friend when it was going around and she showed it to me. The email was full of inflamatory statements, but little facts. Knowing how this friend can get wrapped up into things; when I got home, I did a little research. Here’s the facts that the Xtians didn’t want you to know.
1. Girls, Inc. is not a fly-by-night organization that AG just decided to support. They are the renamed organization that we all know as Girls Club of America. I’m blanking now on the actual age of the organization, but it’s not a new group by any means. Furthermore, their national board of directors, past and present, includes many names that the fundies consider their friends. (Including someone that is currently a Supreme Court Justice, if I remember right.)
2. Girls, Inc. is not actually pushing abortions on young girls. They have their own ‘Just Say No’ program that they actually believe has a better track record of success than the federal program because rather than just making Just Say No a backless drill, their program is based on building each girl’s self-confidence and awareness of their options. Now, I will admit that I didn’t try to verify their statements with an outside source.
3. (And this is the kicker in my book) Girls, Inc. is not against the federal ‘Just Say No’ program. They do think they have something better, but realize that their program doesn’t reach everyone. What they are against is the fact that Congress had already given the federal program more funding that Bush (the Great Leader of Fundies everywhere) had requested and WANTED TO GIVE IT MORE!!
Girls, Inc. had come out publically calling for a stop of overfunding of the program in this time of deficit spending, and the Xtians were immediately deciding that that meant they must be wanting to encourage people to have abortions.
Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t see this making sense. Do You?
Okay, I know that this will matter to some people. Just to make it clear, I wouldn’t not wish an abortion on anyone. I’ve had friends go through it and it is not an easy or simple choice to make.
OTH, If you look at the data, fewer people die when abortions are legal. Women have been getting abortions since they’ve been having babies. They will whether it is a legal option or not. The numbers that died either in the dirty back rooms with badly trained care-givers (not all were anywhere close to being doctors and nurses) or from the infections that they brought home, do not come close to the numbers that are more apt to get one now because it is ‘easy’.
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