09.03.06

I dreamt of my mom last night

Posted in Life, the Universe and All that Jazz at 11:57 pm by Meg

Boy was just an infant and she had just died. And then I realized that that was wrong, and replaced her with my father. And then I woke up, because it still didn’t make sense.

Not a great dream all around. My mom died of cancer in Oct. of ‘85 and my dad of an aneurysm in Sept. ‘01. I do think of them at times, but I’ve adjusted to them gone and haven’t had a dream with them being recently dead in a long, long time.

Last night was triggered by the news that my oldest sister’s, Liz, husband is not doing well. She’s 14 years older than I and her husband is older still. I don’t really like the guy (he’s about as 2-dimensional as a living person can get) but I feel such pain for my sister.

About 6 months ago, they found out that the back pain, that he’d been having for the previous 6 months, was not from a motorcycle bump but was actually non-Hodgkin’s lymphona. They said it had a 40-85% 5-year cure rate with chemo.

The chemo did not go well, with him getting seriously sick from the lowered white blood cell counts.

Well, this week that ended. And the news is not good. The cancer is back and worst. Now they are looking at harsher chemo and a possible bone marrow transplant. Hubby tells me that they are doing amazing things with the bone marrow transplants these days, but it just sounds like she’s losing him.

I suppose that it’s a natural cycle of life, but it sure is hitting me hard. You see, it’s really just the 3 of us. Step-mom is nice and all, but she’s not real family because she didn’t raise any of us. And her kids are pleasant, but we didn’t all grow up together, so we’re friends but not like sisters. Our brother is a picture perfect example of the result of a very smart kid, who was lost in the ps, who massively turned to drugs and dependency. As a result of untreated high blood pressure and said coke habit, he’s in a nursing home in northern California - half way between a vegetable and a thinking, productive adult (at 48 and he’s been there for nearly 4 years).

So, my big sister and her husband of 30ish years are fighting this battle and my heart goes out to them. Please think some good thoughts toward the Seattle VA hospital. My sister is living in an hotel around there to be close to him (they live in the wilds of Montana) and they sure need it.

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