10.09.07
BANG!
Right now I’m feeling very frustrated with our local group. It’s imploding. A bunch of newbies joined this year and we’re dealing with a problem.
The problem that is actually making me sick to my stomach is dealing with Mom’s interacting with kids that aren’t their own. One of the newbies (whom we have been trying to find a way to gently deal with the way she scolds her own kids in public - calling them stupid, barely dealing with the little ones’ tears….) was trying to help another newbie mom (but very young) get their names entered in the bowling machine. Younger newbie mom had a little, little girl who was trying to tap buttons while older newbie mom was entering data. Older newbie mom slapped the little girl’s hand away. Never saying anything to the younger newbie mom who was standing right behind her.
Younger newbie mom left in tears, though some of us talked to her that we didn’t find older newbie mom’s behavior acceptable. It was suggested to older newbie mom that she might apologize to younger newbie mom. She didn’t.
End of story? NO
The next day the founder of our group (older woman, raised 7 kids of her own, took on 2 more, been doing homeschooling for 25 or so years) posted on our list a loooong note about what is abuse and that moms shouldn’t reprimand other people’s kid’s but should take it to the child’s mom. (something that’s always been the norm in our group - you sit the troubling child down and find the parent to deal with the issue.)
She also slammed yelling at your own children as not respectful and on and on and on and on. It’s the way she talks and most of it’s hot air, not all, but a fair amount. Those of us that know B say okay, and move on.
And now most of the newbies are in an uproar and talking about dropping out……. even though they weren’t there and don’t know B to put what she said in prospective.
I’m torn between wanting to be the peace maker and telling them all to go to hell, no one’s making them stay.
But I’m still sick to my stomach.
Kim said,
October 9, 2007 at 8:56 pm
I am not going anywhere. One of the draw backs of being a newbie is not knowing everyone’s individual personality and who is and isn’t full of hot air. When the founder of the group sends out an e-mail like she did, it has a lot of weight with the newbies because of the fact that she is the founder.
I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of this. It is not a position I would want to be in. {{{hugs}}}
Kim
Leesa said,
October 12, 2007 at 11:09 am
I like your second choice…hehehe! Just kidding. I think the boundaries should be set NOW before the problems increase. This can’t be easy for the “founder” to do.
Hang in there!
R said,
October 14, 2007 at 3:57 pm
I love the words at the top of this box which state “Speak your mind.” I found the words to be so attractive that I couldn’t resist the invitation. I’ve become so good at playing the Devil’s Advocate that, at times, I find it challenging to be true to my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs. Sounds certifiable, eh? I guess at 34 I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m still screwing up, learning, and growing (I’m certain that most people I admire would admit the same).
On to the BANG…
It’s typical that I haven’t found it difficult to wrap an opinion around this nonsense. Don’t get me wrong, I love adding my two cents to just about any discussion, as do most, but I was blown away by the ugliness FOLLOWING the bowling alley incident. Silly me, I tend to forget how defensive mothers can be. I mean, what the heck?
I do, when it’s warranted, swat my children and yes, of course I’ve yelled at them. I always take the opinions and advice of those I respect into consideration, but to be honest, the opinions of the founder, the newbies, and the oldbies don’t phase me and certainly don’t offend me. I don’t give them that kind of power. It’s simple: take what you need and leave the rest behind.
Being Politically Correct is all the rage these days, right? (Uh, oh - moving into dangerous territory).
In my opinion (like a@#holes, we all have one) this way of thinking has made us all too thin skinned. My gosh, we’re bothered by everything. It’s time to GET OVER IT! Yes, we should all teach our children (and model) acceptance, sensitivity, and good manners. IN ADDITION we should instill (and model) a strong sense of dignity in our children. No, it’s not OK to purposely hurt another’s feelings, or push their buttons. But the STICKS AND STONES way of thinking and reacting is a much healthier defense than tears and rage. Currently, most of us (our children included) aren’t capable of letting things roll off our backs. We pick up the names people call us, or the ugly things they say, and we hold on to them for dear life, as if we have no other choice. But wait, we DO have options. Nobody’s forcing us to be fragile and pathetic, we have free will. We can choose to rise above, take the high road, to not allow another to decide how we feel, to not be so easily offended or brought down. If you’re offended, or your feelings are hurt, because the words someone spoke hold truth, then do something to change your situation. If the words hold no truth, don’t give them a second thought and save your strength for something (or someone)worthwhile.
Again, take what you need and leave the rest behind. DIGNITY - pass it on.