06.11.08

I never did really think/plan on being a Stay-at-Home mom…

Posted in Books at 1:14 am by Meg

let alone a homeschooling mom.

I was not one of those girls that planned out my family while I was young, or knew/cared about what my house would like. I guess if you had asked me I probably would have informed you that I ‘expected’ to have kids at some point, but never dwelt on the idea.

I did know that I wanted a career as a professional, and definitely felt the need for it to be self-supporting.

Being an engineer met the need, and being a civil engineer meant that I had a fun job that could, in the course a day, take me from the office, to a job site, to presenting a proposal in front of a town board. I got to travel, to stay in ‘nice’ hotels at company expense (also a dive or two), and drive a company car occasionally when I traveled. I also worked a lot of 60 hour weeks, including late days and weekends - when the project needs to be done, you get it there.

When Hubby and I got together and started discussing kids, I quickly realized that like my memories of my mom, I also saw myself being home with my kids.

Okay, throw the career plans out the window.

Adding to the adjustment was our moves. The summer we got married we moved to LA - Hubby was fresh out of grad school and took a ‘one-year’ temp job while he was looking for something better. I found work there, but at the end of the year (one month after Boy was born) we moved north up to Monterey.

Now I didn’t make a lot of friends during that year anyway. The side effect of being a woman civil engineer is that you are often the only woman in the office - in this case there were 2 others: the landscape architect and the secretary. We were pleasant and friendly, but not really ‘friends.’

So I landed in yet another new town, with a month-old baby, new to being a “stay-at-home” mom, and a husband that left for the office every day. I knew NOBODY! I don’t think our street had another family on it. It was rough.

Hubby still says that it took me years to start calling myself a “homemaker” which he describes as a tangible proof of my adjustment.

All this was to give you background as to why when I was offered the chance to read and review The Stay-At-Home Survival Guide by Melissa Stanton, I jumped at it. It sounded like a wonderful idea that I would have appreciated having access to about 19 years ago.

I figured that I was certainly placed to appreciate where Ms. Stanton was coming from (she was a senior editor at People and Life Magazines) and to have some basis to see if she really had some sound advice.

And generally, she hit her mark.

After reading the book, I certainly feel that I could enjoy sitting down with her and continuing the conversation in person. (And yes, she does give you the feeling that she is talking to you, and that you are getting to know her and her family.)

I don’t agree with everything she’s said (but what friend do you agree 100% with, or want to), but the main point that I took away from the book is the feeling of reassurance that she is projecting to moms who are just making the transition out of the work place. I think someone just making the transition will get the idea that they aren’t doing something that is strange and that they can find their feet and survive.

And she covers just about any topic that might come up:

• The transition from career to home
• Money matters
• Having one child or many
• Sex and marriage
• Household-chore expectations
• Friendships
• Loneliness
• Coping strategies
• Creating time for yourself
• Returning to the workforce—or not

My complaints are few:

1. She describes 3 phases of being a Stay-at Home Mom (a. totally stay-at-home kids, b. some home and some in school, and c. all in school) but I really felt like she didn’t say much about that third set. Maybe it’s because I’m a stay-at-home mom to older kids, but I felt the lack. (And I do realize that the target audience of this book is probably not that third group.)
2. I really had trouble at first getting into the book because the first quarter seemed to constantly revolve around a whine about not having the support from our government/businesses to be able to build a career around a family. It disappeared as she got into the meat of the book, but it set my teeth on edge until I got there.

Anyway, considering (as I said) that the book is really designed for someone just becoming a stay-at-home mom (most often with at least one small child whether it is the first, second, etc.) it does make it’s goal. I also realize that for many professional woman coming home may not be what they are planning on, but be in reaction to a perceived lack in being able to balance work and children, and so the tone of the beginning of the book may not set them on edge.

So all in all, I’ll probably keep it in mind for baby shower presents and the like.

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