My wanderings lead me to a post by Mom is Teaching where she is wondering if she can “handle” high school (btw, her kids are little – it’s a long time away). I guess I feel drawn to answer those thoughts because I did – including pointing her to my post about “handling” high school.
That post, where I admit to “8th grade panic” lead her to ask me why homeschoolers try to create an appearance that we have it all together. She wondered if more of us said: “No this is not easy, yes I’m scared of failing, but I’m going to dedicate myself and make it work” if it would be easier for others to accept us.(and I’m paraphrasing some, so go read her response in her comments if you want the exact wording.)
Now, my thought is: “I think a lot of us project that on the surface. It’s probably partly a shield against having everyone else second guess our choices.” And while she says some nice things in her response, I’m as guilty as the next person about having that “all-together” shell.
But it made me wonder what other reasons people would suggest. So, anyone want to take a stab at it?
Have you ever had someone imply or tell you that you seem to “have it all together”?
Why do you think they are getting the vibe? or Why do you think many homeschoolers tend to give off that vibe?
and as a corollary to it – From talking to many newbies, the point that this conversation hits with me, is that realizing that we are all human and don’t “have it all together” is a hurdle for anyone new to homeschooling. You know, when they have a terrible day and post some dis-heartening question and you can see that they think everyone else’s kids are these perfect little agreeable angels. (Yeah – right)
Is there anyway to make that adjustment easier?
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I’m one of those moving-to-high-school HSers who wonders pretty regularly if I’m doing *anything* right. Thank goodness that’s balanced by some pretty wonderful days when I see what great people my kids are turning into. It’s a process.
As people, we have a tendency to question ourselves, and if there’s someone more experienced at HSing (or anything!) in our lives, we wonder how they do it. At times this may make us feel inadequate, but I also think that it’s how we learn. I also think that as HSers we’ve faced some pretty negative comments, with many people disbelieving that it can actually work. With so many vocal detractors, it doesn’t make sense for us to let on that we don’t always know what we’re doing. If non HSers heard about our unsure days, it would only give them fodder for an “I told you so!” conversation. I’ve learned not to allow ANY openings for negativity from outsiders.
The other thing that comes to mind is that HSers may sound like they know what they’re doing because even though they may not be perfect at it and may question their abilities, it’s something we BELIEVE in so strongly that we can speak confidently. Maybe today it’s a struggle, but in the long run we KNOW it is the best option.
I rambled with very little coffee in my system; I hope that makes sense!
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I never claim to have it all together. In fact, I tell nearly everyone that my house is a mess, I have no free time, and I am freaking out big time about high school and beyond for my kids (esp the younger one who has mild autism). But, for some reason, people, hs’ers and non-hs’ers alike, seem to think we are sailing along.
I think partly it’s because we all find admirable traits in others to envy, so because even when I’m complaining, I have a smile on my face, they think things are hunky-dory with us, which is so not true.
Non-homeschoolers are often in one of 2 camps, I find. One says “I could never homeschool” and so they think that just by being a homeschooler, we must know all the answers and have the perfect life. The other camp are the doubters who are suspicious of homeschoolers and think they don’t know what they’re doing. Luckily, I’ve really not met many of those, but when faced with that camp, I am certainly not going to go on and on about how I’m freaking out. Instead, whenever I do meet those folks, I talk about the successes we have had in homeschooling, and therefore they think we have it all together (I feel a white lie is better than having people second guess you and your decisions about your children).
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That’s the first thing I tell people -my house is a *mess*.
Also, when you get the first kid out the door, it really solidifies for the rest of them. And you.
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I think that it is more the tendency for us to read about what other homeschoolers are doing and then morph each one into this “perfect homeschooler” in our minds to which we can never measure up. So we tend to think that everyone else except us has it “all together”.
When I talk to new homeschoolers I try to stress that you don’t have to have it all together and you probably should not try. It is a balancing act though because on the one hand it is easier than folks who do not know anything about homeschooling might think, but then it is also difficult because you never truly get rid of the all the questions and doubts that come along with it. I have a couple of posts on the subject:
http://throwingmarshmallows.com/home/wow-wow-wow-new-post-on-lwos.html
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